Picking up the Pieces
by synestheticcapricorn
Summary: It's been four years since the virtual reality game that changed Karkat's life. He tries to move on, but some people just can't let go. (Humanstuck AU, pairing hints, rated T for mental conditions and depression)
1. Chapter 1: Karkat

Chapter 1: Karkat

It had been nearly four years since Sgrub. Our session of the Game. That was what everyone called it. Like some fucking science fiction movie. Shove 12 people who had never met each other into life-or-death situations and that was all it was. A game.

It was Sollux who found everyone. Though I had done my best to put Sgrub and its memories behind me, some people just can't let go. I have to admit, the Game got it right portraying Sollux as a computer genius. Twelve people in twelve different parts of the world, separated by thousands of miles. With nothing but our accents and a few hints from Game officials, he had somehow managed to track down not only where we lived, but our email addresses and phone numbers as well. According to him, he had dedicated the last four years to finding us. I had originally assumed that telling me that was just a tactic to convince me to come, but from the members of the group I had been forced to communicate with, it was true. He had slowly found us over the years, with Gamzee and me pulling in last. I guess we were the ones who least wanted to be found.

I hadn't talked about Sgrub. To anyone. The reason Sollux had found some of the others so fast was because they had talked about it on their Tumblrs, or Facebooks, or any kind of social network. Gamzee and I hadn't done that, and I still wasn't exactly sure how he had found us. I didn't blame Gamzee for not wanting to come. His experience with the Game was worse than anyone's. That was the real reason I was coming to this ridiculous meeting. We were what the Game's system had called "moirails", two people closer than friends, closer than best friends. We were perfect balances of each other, according to Sgrub anyway. Gamzee had had a lot of problems in the Game, and I wanted to make sure those hadn't bled into real life. I know that sounds extremely cheesy, but it's the truth.

Part of getting Gamzee to come meant that we had to meet in Cardiff, close enough to his home in Newport so that he couldn't really refuse without sounding like an ass. This also meant that I had to take a twelve-hour flight in economy-class seating (I wasn't much richer than my Sgrub character). By the end of it, my back and neck were aching, and my already foul mood had sunk even more. I checked my watch. 11:38. I had to get to our meeting place by Cardiff Castle in less than 25 minutes. I had a bad feeling that I was going to be the last one there. As if this meeting wasn't embarrassing enough.

One haphazard taxi drive later, I arrived at the meeting place. Surprisingly, there were only four people there. Though they had no horns or gray skin, it was easy to identify them. Sollux was the first to approach me.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure the Game officials had done a great job of capturing Sollux's character in the game. However, I severely doubted that he had worn blue and red glasses before the session. I was even surer that he had never owned a golden-yellow sweater embroidered with his player symbol, the Gemini, before Sgrub. Here was someone who had done the exact opposite of me. While I had pushed away thoughts of the Game at all costs, Sollux had put great care in keeping the memory alive, to the point where it was almost an obsession. On his wrist was his player bracelet, a band of metal embossed with his symbol. This bracelet, coupled with a second one we hadn't been allowed to keep, was what allowed the Game to get such an accurate reading of our hand movements. Sollux's only requirement for the meeting was that we all bring our own.

"Hey, KK, tho you made it. EQ didn't think you would come." Sollux glanced back at Equius. Though Sollux was Danish, any accent he had was hidden behind his horrible lisp, which was just as bad as when he was in Sgrub. As for Equius, he looked pretty much the same as he had in the Game. Bulging abs, a loose-fitting muscle tee, and long, dirty blond hair. He even had on a pair of cracked sunglasses, for old time's sake. Didn't these people see it? We had failed! The game had ended long ago, and we fucking lost. Now we had to get on with the bigger game of life, however dull and meaningless that was.

The only other members of our group who were here were Vriska and Aradia, who must have gotten an early flight from Japan because she had none of the luggage we were carrying. Maybe she just didn't bring any. Her hair was shorter than it had been in Sgrub, but still pretty long and jet black. She was the only one here with no mementos or references to the Game. According to Sollux's messages, Vriska was Russian, and she sure looked the part. There was fierce look in her eyes, and a streak of cobalt blue, her player color, dashed through her blond hair. She was wearing an eye patch, but didn't know if that was in memory of the game or whether she actually needed it. I wasn't sure how I felt about Vriska; she had been an absolute bitch in Sgrub, but you could technically blame that all on staying in character. Still, she had ruthlessly murdered members of our team, and her Game-provided backstory had been equally vicious. We all knew our backstories were mostly based on the test results we needed to get into the Game.

The tests were both athletic and academic, with a few weird situations thrown in between; your examiner suddenly having a stroke, a question in the middle of the English section about racial ethics. As the Game was mainly a giant experiment, only the best were allowed to play. If Vriska had a murderous backstory, she had probably gotten murderous results.

"W-well if it isn't the filthy mustardblood," said a voice from behind me. I turned. It was Eridan. He, like Sollux, had fully embraced Sgrub, and was wearing the same purple cape, scarf, and pajamas he had worn most of the Game. Black glasses framed intelligent, blue eyes, and his light brown hair had a shock of light blond running through it. "You're not a theedweller anymore, you British twit!" Sollux practically hissed.

"Oh! Maybe this time it'll be a fair fight, then."

Just when Sollux looked like he was about to break Eridan's neck, Fereri arrived. She had probably heard them arguing a mile away. "Hey, I'm sure we can work this out," she said, her long red curls bouncing with every word.

"Not with thith impothible douchfin here," spat Sollux.

"Douchfin? I w-would do anything to be a 'douchfin'," said Eridan. His voice turned low and angry. "I'v-ve had nothing since Sgrub ended. Nothing! I can part be the one of the richest families in London, but no one w-wants to be friends w-with the 'freak', the boy w-with all the money but no mother. The boy w-who stutters all his Ws and Vs. The boy with a weird obsession with wizards and magic and science. The only reason I'm here is because I thought you w-would hav-ve some way to get us back! But all this is is a soppy reunion!" Eridan swept back his cape. "W-we w-were like _gods _there!" he suddenly yelled, "Here," he said, practically whispering, "W-we are no one." Personally, I thought that was a little over the top, but Sollux didn't seem to care.

"You think _you_ had problemth?" Sollux said. He was getting angrier by the minute, his face turning red. "How about we just calm down now, guys…?" said Feferi in a desperate attempt to mediate. "Do you even know how I wath able to find you guyth tho fast?" Sollux asked, "No one elth could have done it. No one elth could have stayed up for nights on end, thorting through data! You think you don't have any friendth? I'm fucking bi-polar. You jutht thit there in your rich houthe in London and think you are tho unfortunate."

I'm not really sure what happened next, but next thing I knew Eridan had an honest-to-god wand in his hand and was holding it threateningly under Sollux's chin, like a dagger. That was when I snapped.

You had to admit, I had been managing the situation pretty well before then, hell, I hadn't even spoke. But the sight of Eridan (in a cape no less) trying to kill Sollux with a fake wand was enough to push me over the edge. "That's enough, you idiots! I didn't come here to watch you two get over your fucking kissmestitude!" That was a term the Game used to describe people who hated each other with a deep passion. I pushed Eridan off of Sollux, then continued, "In fact, I shouldn't have come at all. I have no desire to see you two fight in the middle of fucking Cardiff! Why are we even here? None of you seem to understand this, so let me put it in very simple terms: WE LOST. We lost the Sgrub, we lost the Game, and we lost our chance. IT'S OVER. It's about time you got over it." I look purposefully at Eridan and Sollux.

I suddenly realized that almost everyone else had arrived. We were still missing Tavros and Gamzee, but other than them, everyone was here. Seeing them all, especially Terezi, all decked out in her RP outfit, just made me angrier. "Fuck this shit, I'm leaving," I grabbed my luggage. What a pointless waste of time, and money. I was about to walk away when Sollux grabbed my arm. "Thop. I actually do have a reathon for bringing everyone here, tho if you can wait until GZ and AT get here, we can thart." I looked back, surprised. I would never have expected a reaction like that from Sollux's game self, but here, this could be completely normal. I was suddenly hit by a strange feeling; that moment where you realize you are in a room full of unfamiliar people. _Sollux is a stranger to me. They all are. Do I know any of these people, really?_


	2. Chapter 2: The Past

I woke up with a killer headache and an empty stomach. "Ah, fuck…" I muttered, running a hand through my hair. I was in a hotel room, with no idea how I had gotten there. Faint light shone in through the window, making it barely bright enough to see. Squinting, I could just barely make out the logo of Mallowdell Hotels on the door. I _had_ bought a Mallowdell room online…

"Rise and shine, motherfucker," said a familiar voice behind me. Could it be…?

I rolled over to see a tangle of black hair, almost masking the clown make-up beneath it. _Gamzee! _I thought. He seemed…pretty much the same as he had been in the Game. "What happened?" I asked.

"You passed out, brother." As if things couldn't get any worse. "In front of _everyone_?"

"Pretty much. Tavros and I got here just in time to see it."

"Fuck…" I said for the second time that day. "How did I get here?" Gamzee looked like he was about to answer when Sollux walked in.

"It lookths like theeping beauty is up at latht!" Rather than have to respond that comment, I asked again, "How the fuck did I get here?" "Well…" said Sollux, seeming reluctant to talk, "We may or may not have dug through your luggage. 'We' being Eridan, naturally," he said, seeing the look on my face. "We, I mean, he, found a paper in your bag with your room number and thuff on it."

"Okay…" I said, still slightly confused. "And they just let you in?" "Uth? We're your poor couthins, who lost their papers but luckily were thaved on the hotel's online databathe."

"Are you telling me that you hacked into the hotel's database?"

"I'm not going to anther that." He chucked. Chucked seemed like the right word; he wasn't laughing "hahaha" but rather more of an "eheheh". His attitude, his whole personality, was _completely_ different than it had been just a few hours ago.

Sollux looked at me, his glasses glinting in the sunlight creeping its way through the open window. "We're all going out for a bit, checking out the town. You thould come, if you're not going faint again, that ith."

I flipped him off, then climbed out of bed. At least I was still wearing my clothes. If Eridan had gotten his way, that probably wouldn't have happened. That boy flirted with anything that moved. Or did he? He had in Sgrub, but did he now? Had he even then, or was it just another trick of the Game?

"I'm coming," I said, "Just-get out." Sollux walked out, hands in the air like he was surrendering. I looked at Gamzee, "That means you too. I need to change." Gamzee left. He looked okay, a lot better than I had expected, but at the same time I was a little disappointed. The fact that he was acting like this meant he was probably on drugs in this world too. I sighed, walking into the bathroom, because I honestly didn't trust a single person in our little group not to walk in on me. I took a small peek at the mirror. I generally didn't look at mirrors, because I always looked like I had just gotten out of bed. I supposed if I _really_ wanted to, I could have looked pretty fucking good, but I had long since given up trying to comb through my ginger hair. It was constantly tangled, sticking up every which way. I had such little sleep most of the time that bags under my eyes had become just part of my face. If I got a nickel for every time someone said I looked tired, I would be a fucking _billionaire_ by now. I was still wearing my turtleneck, which was good. Living in Los Angeles, I got a lot of odd looks for wearing a turtleneck in the middle of July. If anyone asked, I told them to fuck off, and I don't think I had ever told anyone why. Well, I _had_ told one person. But it was so long ago, and I wasn't even sure if it counted.

_"__Hey, why do you where that sweater all the time, bro?" Gamzee asked. I didn't want to tell him. I hadn't told anyone, and I sure wasn't going to tell someone I had never even seen in person._

_ "__Best friend, I asked you a question," he said. I looked at him. His eyes seemed clearer than usual, brighter. He seemed more serious than I had ever seen him. _

_"__I…" I stopped, unsure. Should I tell him? "I have anxiety issues," I blurted out. Stupid. No one understood when I said that. Not the thousands of therapists, not all those confused adults, no one. _

_I tried again, "I get panicked. So panicked I can't move, can't think. I pass out sometimes." I hugged my arms around my chest. "The turtleneck is kind of like…" I struggled for the right word, "Like a safety blanket. When I panic, feeling it helps me calm down. I… I don't know." I looked at Gamzee again. He smiled at me. It wasn't a lost, stoned smile, but one that seemed to define the term "moirail". We didn't talk, didn't say anything, just sat there, in the middle of an asteroid, in the middle of empty space._

I shook myself out of the memory. Ever since I had gotten Sollux's message, I had been having more and more flashbacks to the Game. I had been passing out more, too. My parents started sending me to therapy again. Hell, the only reason I had been allowed to come to Cardiff was because my current therapist thought it was good for me to "face my demons" or whatever. Judging from what Eridan and Sollux had said, I wasn't the only one with problems. Were these caused by the Game, or did the examiners just pick the most fucked up kids they could find to play Sgrub? But they have to make it this hard for me? I had been a mutant, an outcast. With all my other problems, was that necessary?

I _needed_ to stop thinking about the Game. Every time I did, my breathing got faster and I could feel the panic trying to overtake me like a wave. But it was kind of hard to stop thinking about the Game when I was surrounded by all its players.

I changed quickly, and went outside. Luckily, no one was waiting outside my room. I headed down to the lobby, only to find it in total chaos. It was hard to believe that eleven people had caused _this_ much madness. Equius had somehow managed to break one of the bell trolleys and was apologizing to the hotel staff, who didn't seem convinced that he had done it by accident. It looked like Vriska had picked someone's pocket, and was showing off her spoils to Kanaya a tired-looking Nepeta. Nepeta pretended she wasn't interested, but I could see her eyeing an obsidian panther dangling by a golden chain from Vriska's fingers. Gamzee was wheeling Tavros around in his wheelchair, scaring passersby and knocking over furniture. Eridan and Sollux, his kind demeanor completely gone, had gotten into another fight, with Feferi barely holding them apart. Terezi was trying to convince the hotel staff that yes, she _did_ need a seeing-eye dog, and no, she had _not_ snuck it in last night, and if they would just look at the paperwork…

The only one not going completely crazy was Aradia, who was leaning against the wall of the hotel, watching the scene with half-closed eyes. She was holding something thin in her hand, and it wasn't until she put it up to her mouth that I realized she was smoking.

"Is that even legal?" She jumped at my words.

"What?" she said.

I pointed to her cigarette. "That," I said, "I don't think you're allowed to smoke in here."

"Honestly, I think the staff has a _lot _more to worry about right now," she answered.

"True," I said, watching Nepeta chase Vriska for the cat necklace.

"At least _he's_ getting what he deserves," she said, sudden venom in her voice. "Who-" I started, following her gaze.

"What? What did he ever do to you?"

She looked at me with sudden hurt in her gaze. "I asked him for a body. What he did… " Smoke trailed from her mouth. "How could the Game even do that? Change out emotions? Change who we are? You all know I pulled out of the game early, but the truth is that I was long gone by then. I hadn't been myself since I got that fucking body." She saw the surprise in my eyes and laughed.

"I've changed a lot since the Game, Karkat. We all have. Even if we won't admit it." Nepeta had gotten ahold of the chain. Vriska tried to yank it back, but she just ran off to hide in some remote corner of the hotel, giggling all the way.

"Ok, guyth, were heading out."

* * *

**Authors Note:**

**I hope you all enjoyed that chapter, even if it was a mostly lot of exposition. Sorry about the long break between posts, I've been busy and finals are coming up in school. I promise they'll be more frequent (and longer) as soon as summer starts. So, as I'm writing an authors note, I might as well answer some questions you may or may not have.**

**Q: Why is only Karkat's name listed under characters?**

**A: Though this does have every troll in it, it is mostly about Karkat's story and his way of coping with the aftermath of the Game. This is going to be a more slow, emotional story, so if you don't like that kind of thing you may not like where this fic is going.**

**Q: What's with the title?**

**A: All I can say about that is that it's not pieces in the sense you would normally think.**

**Q: Why are you even doing this?**

**A: I thought some people might have been a little curious about these things, so I might as well answer them.**

**The reviews I have gotten are all positive and just great, thank you so much!**

**Thanks for reading! Please leave reviews/feedback/cookies.**

**Homestuck (c) Andrew Hussie**


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